Story 11

Well met again, maties!
Me has a tale fer ye, if'n ye has some time, that is. Y'know, I met Mad Moose on my last voyage. Lemme tell ye how it all looked like.
'Twas a calm, sunny day, wit' gentle breeze blowin' from th' east. We were cruisin' between Hispaniola an' Puerto Rico, preyin' on small merchants. We noticed a single sail on th' horizon, so we sailed in to investigate. Curiously, th' other vessel must'va spotted us too, an' also turned on us. They were still quite a lon' distance away, when I recognised th' ship. 'Twas 'Baron Boat'! Maniac Moose's flag was flappin' on th' wind menacingly.
Unsure of 'is intentions I raised a flag o' truce. Baron Boat was comin' closer an' closer. i was beginning to feel a lil' bit uncomfortable wit' such a notorious pirate as mad Moose comin' towards me. Finally he slowed down an' raised exchange information flag. I sighed with relief an' order to launch a rowboat. I took wit' me Chief an' few volunteers. 'Fcourse jus' in case I told my men to be ready fer a bloody battle. They were ordered not to start a fight, but shoot when they saw somethin' suspicious.
Jus' as I made it to th deck of 'Baron Boat' I got greeted by a rapier at my throat. Treacherous scum, I thought to m'self. I looked down th' length of th' rapier. 'Twas held by a tough lookin' pirate lass.
"Who th' bloody 'ell be you?" she asked politely.
"Me be Captain Crash an' I come in peace. I wanna speak to Cap'n Moose." I kept my peery eye on th' blade hoverin' few hair's breadths from m' naked neck.
Chief entered th' deck an' immediately drew a lon' wicked cutlass.
"Fight?" he asked me. I wus proud of 'im. There wus no sign of fear in Chief's voice, even though 'twas us two 'gainst th' entire 'Baron Boat'. Chief wus exactly th' kind o' man I'd like to have 'round when I die.
"No, Chief, don't do anythin'." I spoke in a calm voice.
"Arggh! 'Tis Cap'n Crash 'imself!" I heard a familiar voice. Maniac Moose was comin' from th' bridge. "Ye may put down th' rapier, my love." he said to th' woman.
Ufff, I was lucky he remembered me. We were drinkin' together at th' party on th' Sisterhood Island.
"This is Moose Lady, my wife an' first mate" he said an kissed 'er on th' cheek. "An' this is Cap'n Crash. Don't worry, I know 'im."
Moose Lady still looked at me in a rather hostile way. "Jus' don't try anythin'. Leave yer weapons in th' boat." she said.
I ordered my men to leave their weapons as she requested an' went to th' bridge after Maniac Moose. Someone brought a barrel of rum. 'Twas a nice time I spent on Baron Boat, talkin' to Maniac Moose an' Moose Lady. Her initial hostility went away when she saw I meant no harm to her husband and she turned out to be a nice drinkin' companion too.
Jus' in a middle of 'un of my tales, one of my sailors came to us.
"Ye be the famous Mad Moose, ain't ye? Ye don't even know how long I waited to finally meet ye. My name's Enriquez." he paused fer a moment.
"Yeah, sure" Moose hardly paid any attention to th' seaman.
"My name's Enriquez" he replied slowly "Don't you remember?"
"Remember what?" Moose was gettin' annoyed.
"Trinidad. Your Moosemen killed my family there." said Enriquez. He took a poisoned dagger from 'is boot an' leapt forward.
"Urrrrkk!" said Enriquez an' fell slowly to th' wooden boards, dead as a stone. Moose Lady's rapier was protrudin' from 'is eye.
After explainin' th' whole bloody situation, that I didn't know I had a traitor on board, we continued our conversation.
"Ye Moose are a safe 'un if'n ye have such an able woman to watch o'er ye" I said.
"Aye, 'tis true, Crash! To get to him, one must first go past me." Moose Lady smiled.
"No way! To get to HER, one must first kill me!" Maniac Moose shouted with anger.
"I'll never let YOU protect ME, fool!"
"It's ME who takes care of YOU, not th' other way 'round!"
"No! I'll ne'er let you get hurt!"
"Over my dead body"
...
Well, I decided to go back to th' 'Factol Skall'. 'Twas a very nice meetin' 'cept fer this Enriquez incident.

Story 12

Ahoy, fella cap'ns! Welcome to Ye House of Pyrates! Good to see you 'gain, still in one piece. If'n ye came, mebbe ye'd like to hear a story I've brought from th' other side of th' Caribbean Sea. The city Curacao, to be precise. Jus' make sure to buy somethin' fer yerselves - Jack th' Slimy, th' bar keeper, doesn't take kindly to customers who jus' sit an' listen to ol' Cap'n Crash.
So, jus' like I said, 'twas in Curacao. I wus visitin' this city to sell some of my loot I plundered from Coro. Coro was rather poorly defended, but unfortunately there was hardly anythin' worth plunderin'. An' if'n 'twasn't enuff, a Spanish frig caught up with us an' chased us with a red flag on top of its mast. 'Factol Skall' definitely needed some careenin', as th' Spaniards were approachin' rather quickly. We fought 'em an' won, so I plundered all they had on their frig an' sent 'em to the Dave E. Jones' Locker. However my ol' 'Factol Skall' received a devastatin' broadside durin' th' battle, so we set course on Curacao an' preyed not to stumble upon some bloody pirate hunters. Lady Luck wus with us this day an' we arrived safely at th' thrivin' Dutch city of Curacao. Th' people were friendly, gov'nor was polite an' even granted me some paper. I always had good relashionship with the Dutch, so 'cept fer few bar brawls, our stay wus a pleasant, but quite a borin' 'un, that's sure as gold is beautiful. There were still few days left 'till we could claim 'Factol Skall' from th' drydock, when we heard th' rumours that reinforcement from Europe were comin'. I went to th' Gov'nor an' he confirmed that due to increased pirate activities on these waters, he pleaded th' Stadtholder to send 'im more soldiers and ships from Europe. Right now four new frigs under Admiral van Rickmers were jus' one day off th' port of Curacao. th' gov'nor assured me that I wus bein' safe, only pirates'd be chased off or sunk by th' new fleet. Needless to say, I didn't sleep well that night. In th' mornin' I saw 'em at last. Four beautiful frigates were sailin' proudly to th' port. Their decks were full of armed seamen. Th' crowds were gathered at th' docks singin' an' shoutin'. Th' gov'nor even hired a staff of musicians to welcome th' newcomers to th' New World. I wus watchin' th' whole bloody celebrations from th' window of th' inn I wus stayin' in really foul mood. More soldiers meant nothin' good, that's sure as wine's sweet. Even if Dutch were friendly, this could change rather quickly an' I could find m'self swingin' from a yardarm of one of those frig one day. 'Twas a soddin' bad situation I got m'self in. 'Factol Skall' was still in drydock, so we were trapped in th' port full of soldiers and warships.
Th' gov'nor seemed to really like me, he even invited me to a dinner with th' admiral. He said he told admiral of some of my famous expolits an' th' admiral wanted to see a real Caribbean pirate up close. I got pissed. I was to be looked upon as an exotic animal in th' cage or somethin'. Ne'ertheless, I decided 'twould be best if I accepted th' invitation. Th' only thin' I knew about this van Rickmers was that he be a Dutch nobleman, very rich family, influential connections an' faultless manners. Needless to say, I didn't like th' bastid. I'd sooner trust a fellow pirate than 'un of them soddin' nobles. I was sure th' admiral expected me to come in standard pirate adventurer's outfit so I decided to surprise 'im a lil' bit. In 'un of my last raids I captured an English fluyte an' found a fashionable stainless suit of some English nobleman, accordin' to th' most recent European design. I knew that wus th' last thin' they 'xpected. Th' sad thin' is, I had to shave, I hate to admit it.
Oh man, me tells ye, th' crew was rollin' on th' floor from laughter spasms when they saw their cap'n. Y'know, even Chief smiled when he saw me an' that's sumthin' ye don't see very often. that's sure as La Foot is stinky. I felt like a last idiot in this pathetic suit. I went to th' gov'nor's mansion spittin' nails all th' way.
Th' meetin' itself went on quite good. Van Rickmers was indeed disappointed to see an English gentleman instead of bloodthirsty, dirty pirate. There was me, th' gov'nor, van Rickmers an' three other Dutch cap'ns at th' dinner. Since they knew virt'ly nothin' 'bout th' West Indies, I wus th' 'un who did most of th' talkin'. I told 'em 'bout th' most notorious victories of th' Brethren, spicin' it up a lil' bit. Th' gov'nor all th' time was babblin' 'bout my fearlessness an' courage. Didn't have a clue why he keeps flatterin' me, but prob'ly the bugger wus jus' likin' me. The Dutch cap'ns seemed quite impressed by my tales an' th' gov'nors words. Their initial wariness melted away after few good tales an' a mug o' Jamaica's finest or two. The admiral howe'er was silent all th' time. By th' way he clenched 'is fists and th' tensin of 'is jaws I could see clearly he was quite angry. When I was tellin' em 'bout th' famous Battle of Tortuga, where th' Brethren defeated a powerful Spanish armada, van Rickmers excused 'imself an' left in hurry, slammin' th' door behind 'im. I guessed he didn't have any victories 'imslef to speak of and wus jus' bein' jealous that such an upstart cap'n as m'self has thrice as much sea 'xperience as 'im. I lost all my respect an' fear fer th' admiral. He owed th' title to his position an' money only. 'Twas just a landlubber posin' as an admiral. Pathetic fool. 'Twas gettin' dark, so I finished tellin' of that great battle, shook hands with th' gov'nor and three cap'ns and returned to th' inn. Over th' next two days admiral van Rickmers was obviously avoidin' me, meanwhile remainin' Dutch cap'ns were followin' me everywhere, anxious to hear yet another of my tales. 'Tis was somewhat nice to have such an enthusiastic audience, I got used to tellin' tales in Ye House of Pyrates 'ere in Tortuga, where ye ungrateful bastids greet my stories with insults an' th' like, haarr, harr, harr!
'In th' mornin' I went to th' shipwright. My ol' 'Factol Skall' was already waitin' fer me at th' docks. She looked like new. Glad of th' job well done, I paid the shipwright for th' repairs an' called fer m' boys. We 'ad to move all our supplies, weapons and treasure to th' holds of 'Factol Skall'. We had it done by th' noontime, so we' ad some time to look fer missin' crewmwmbers. Most prob'ly they could be found asleep outside th' tavern, too drunk to walk on their own feet. When I was walkin' towards th' town a gov' nor's servant caught up to me an' asked me to immediately come to th' gov' nor's mansion.
I didn't like th' sound of it. Sounded too much like an order fer me an' I ain't take orders from anybuddy. I thought that mebbe th' soddin' gov'nor turned his back on me an' wanted to arrest me. There was some hefty price fer my head in Spanish ports.
Ne'ertheless I went to th' gov'nor house, only to stumble upon some kinda war council. Th' gov'nor greeted me anxiously wit' shakin' hands. He wus excited as 'ell. I learned that there were three unidentified warships comin ' towards Curacao an' th' new Dutch fleet wus to be tested on th' Caribbean waters.
"Yeah, but whaddya want from me?" I asked pretendin' to be a bit bored by th ' whole situation.
"Well, you could fight with us Captain Crash!" th' gov'nor clasped 'is hands an' smiled as if he gave me th' greatest honour in my entire wretched life. "We don't need any civilians messin' up. Dutch navy doesn't need nobody's help!" shouted angry van Rickmers. This one time I agreed with 'im. "But admiral, you don't even realise how powerful ally you just rejected." Th' gov'nor seemed shocked. "Captain Crash knows these waters like his own pocket and believe me, the tactics of the New World differ drastically from the ones used in Europe."
"I don't wanna fight nobuddy. I jus' lift m' anchor an' am outta here. 'Ts not my fight." I told 'em.
"Captain Crash, the news spread quickly in Curacao. When you unloaded your magnificent ship for repairs, many people saw the numerous chests full of gems, jewels and gold, there's no denying that" th' gov'nor said with a grin "I'm afraid those pirates won't let you go just like that. Either you fight them with us or alone. The choice is yours."
This time he got a point. 'Factol Skall' was indeed stacked with jewels stolen in our most recent raid. I appraised them to be worth roughly a quarter million pesos. Alone, I stood no chances against three pirate vessels.
"Seems yer right, gov'nor. I accept yer offer."
"No way! I won't let a common criminal fight by my side! I'd sooner sink your ship right where it stands then let you sail with us!" van Rickmers slammed his palm against th' table. This time th' bugger really pissed me off.
"I wouldn't do it if I were you" I threatened him with a cold stare "Th' worst drunkard on board 'Factol Skall' is worth few of yer puny soldiers. These men were born to fight. They're all professional killers. Even if ye got lucky an' somehow destroyed me, ye would have nothin' left to fight off th' incomin' warships."
They begun discussin' in Dutch. I didn't understand a word of what they said, but judgin' from th' tone th' gov'nor an' cap'ns were tryin' to convince admiral, while he wus refusin' stubbornly and shoutin' insults.
An armed soldier entered th' room and said somethin' in Dutch an' left. One
of th' cap'ns looked at me an' said
"Three sails on th' horizon"
Van Rickmers went silent. After a while he spat on the floor and allowed me to fight with their new fleet. Th' gov'nor was jumpin' with joy. We departed from port shortly afterwards. 'Tmust'va been some surprise fer th' approachin' pirates to see five warships ready for battle. We were sailin' in a formation, one ship next to another. I was posed between two Dutch frigates, 'Rijswijk Pride' an' 'Keteldijk', meanwhile van Rickmer's fearsome flagship, 'Batavier', a huge frigate, bristlin' with its eighty guns, was sailin' between 'Keteldijk' an' 'Van Der Reuter'. I wus standin' on th' bow of 'Factol Skall', observin' th' pirate fleet through th' spyglass. Sumthin' caught my attention. I stared at th' top o' th' mast of one of th' pirate frigs an' I felt my face turned pale. I recognised all three of th' enemy frigates.
"Whus wron', capin?" asked Henry Cowling, my boatswain. I turned towards th' crew. Couldn't say a word fer awhile but finally I took a deep breath an' told 'em.
"It's... the Sisterhood Alliance"
I'll pause 'ere in th' most dramatic moment, so ye could take a piss. OUTSIDE, ye disgustin' buncha pigs! Jus' be sure to cum back in a while an' I'll follow on.


I see ye've came to hear th' rest of th' story. Good, 'cause this be quite nice 'un. I finished when we realised 'twas the Sisterhood that we were supposed to fight. Well, as ye may clearly imagine, my boys were quite nervous. Our Dutch allies obviously knew nothin' 'bout th' alliance. I could see the Dutch soldiers cheerin' at anticipation of a great battle. If'n they knew what we knew, I'm sure they'd stop laughin', that's sure as English Navy is strong.
I had a hard moment out there on th' bow of 'Factol Skall' starin' at th' approachin' Sisterhood frigates. I raised my spyglass an' looked at th' closest frig. I recognised it at once. I gritted my teeth an' spat on th' deck.
Bloody man on th' cross bite me!" in rage I hit a seaman standin' nearby with th' back of my hand. 'Tis can't be true!" Did th' gods of luck finally turned their faces away from me? - I thought to m'self. Of all th' pirates in th' Caribbean they 'ad to throw me 'gainst th' fearsome Wild Kat! I always prayed ne'er to find m'self battlin' this one, as I knew clearly that such battle could surely mean my undoin'.
My boys looked at me as if I went insane, when I start'd laughin' as loud as I could. Th' Dutch soldiers in th' frigates on my starboard an' portside, nodded their 'eads in admiration. They thought 'twas a laugh of courage. Well t' be 'onest 'twasn't. 'Twas a laugh of a man who realised he wus goin' straight to 'ell.
I quickly glanced on th' sides. There was no place to run from th' Sisters, even though I had a really strong urge to flight. Then alluva sudden I made up m' mind. We'll fight till we or our enemies are vanquished. I felt a huge hand pattin' me on th' shoulder
'Tis a good day fer dyin'" said Chief with such a peacefulness that I almost dropped m' spyglass in surprise. Goddammit, I've ne'er heard Chief say so many words at once! But I 'ad to say, they 'xactly mirrored my own feelin's. This moment I felt closer to my crew than e'er b'fore. I knew 'em all, they were my friends. An' I knew they could all die today. 'Twas sad, but th' more I thought 'bout this, th' more I wanted to get m' boys outta here alive. We were gonna win or die tryin'. We were prepared to fight the Sisterhood till we all died or all their ships were scatterd 'round th' locker. 'Twould be a honourable death, worth of a pirate.
I raised my spyglass 'gain an' looked at th' enemy frigs, now dangerously close. Th' second ship belonged to Cap'n Maggie, one o' th' most famous Sisters, but 'twas th' third 'un that caught m' attention. I recognised this frig at once. 'Twas 'Armistead', th' flagship of my ol' friend, Cap'n Annabelle. How a cruel wus Lady Luck today! I didn't want to battle Annabelle. I've always considered her a friend, if'n one could call a pirate a friend. I bit my knuckles in rage, cursin' m' soddin' bad luck. 'Twas 'un thing to battle a mighty Cap'n Kathryn, wit' a serious risk to my well bein', but fightin' Annabelle wus a different thing. I've ne'er shoot a friend in th' back b'fore. I've always trusted to what m' ol' heart had told me, an' this time 'twas clearly tellin' me not to fight. But how in th' nine 'ells could I avoid th' deadly battle an' still escape without being stripped of all my treasure by th' greedy Sis'hood wenches?
Suddenly I wus hit by a stray thought. I turned my head so suddenly, that some of my marines raised their hands excpectin' a blow. But th' blow ne'er came to their empty heads. I wus starin' at th' city of Curacao. An evil grin came upon m' face. I nodded at my officers to meet me at th' bridge.
Few minutes later 'Factol Skall' broke th' formation. 'Twas all arranged in such a way, that it looked like a serious miscoduct from my side. We were left behind, meanwhile th' Dutch fleet sailed forward. I looked at th' 'Batavier'. Admiral van Rickmers was standin' there, pointin' 'is finger at me an' laughin' at a demonstration of such a poor seamanship from my side. I only shrugged as if I wanted to apologise an' ordered my sailors to raise full sails in order to catch up with th' formation.
'Fcourse we sailed a lil' bit too fast to return to th' formation. Th' Dutch must'va seen this, as both 'Rijswijk Pride' and 'Keteldijk' sent us signals to slow down or else we would end up in front of th' Dutch fleet. 'Fcourse that wus 'xactly what I 'ad in mind.
We swiftly sailed between 'Keteldijk' an' 'Rijswijk Pride'. Jus' as we were passin' th' two frigates, 'Factol Skall' suddenly exploded with a tremendous broadsides on both starboard an' portside. Th' strength of my forty cannons at such a close distance was astonishin'. The cannons were almost touchin' th' sides of th' Dutch frigates when they fired. Th' effect was such, that I saw some of th' cannonballs pass right through 'Keteldijk' an' harmlessly bounce off 'Batavier's' green-painted hull. 'Fcourse th' cannons were quickly followed by a devastatin' salvo of muskets firin' at th' deck of th' both Dutch frigates.
Th' Dutch were too shocked to do anythin'. I sailed quickly forward without receivin' a single shot in return. I looked backwards. When th' smoke dissipated I saw both 'Rijswijk Pride' an' 'Keteldijk' leanin' heavily on th' sides I smashed their hulls. Dutch cap'ns were much more canny than I 'xpected, though. I saw they quickly begun to throw th' cannons an' whatever else they could move o'erboard through th' gapin' holes. With most o' th' cannons from one side gone, both frigs returned to stable vertical position. I underestimated th' Dutch. I 'xpected my treacherous, deadly blow to put these two completely out of fight.
We sailed forward towards th' Sis'hood frigates. Two damaged Dutch warships were too busy with their own trouble to try to fight me back. Meanwhile, due to th' close formation, neither 'Batavier' nor 'Van der Reuter' could turn an' send me a broadside or two. Only few hasty and not particularly accurate shots from th' chaser guns on th' bow of 'Batavier' punctured our sails in few places. Few moments later we were outside their range.
As we approached th' pirate frigs, I realised th' worst wus yet to come. I wus to convince th' Sister to join forces wit' me in a raid 'gainst Curacao. They were jus' as likely to send me to th' Dave E. Jones' Locker as to listen to my plan. At first it seemed quite bad. All three frigates turned their sides toward me. I gritted my teeth, expectin' a deadly broadside. Suddenly I slapped my palm 'gains m' fore'ead. I run to th' mast an' cut a line holdin' th' Dutch flag.
"Raise our flag, ye lazy worms!" I shouted to th' sailors. How could they recognise me if'n all th' time I 'ad Dutch flag on top of me mast. I jus' hoped they'll manage to raise m' flag b'fore we get in range o' th' Sisterhood ships. I sighed wit' relief when I saw m' flag flappin' on th' wind.

Th' Sisters remained in their places, howe'er. They weren't goin' to greet me wit' open arms, that wus obvious.
I sailed closer an' lowered my sails. I saw Cap'n Kat on th' bow of 'er ship.
"What are ye scum doin' 'ere?" she asked with a frown.
"I'm raidin' Curacao. If ye want, ye may join me." I knew only by a real darin', fearless an' impudent behaviour I could impress 'em enuff so they wouldn't board me right where I stood.
"WE are raidin' Curacao, don't mess wit' us!" cried Maggie from her ship.
"I wus 'ere frist, ye flea-bitten scoundrels! Either yer with me or I'll blast yer pretty butts all th' way to Bermuda!" as I said, th' demonstration of my sheer courage an' fearlessness wus th' clue.
I heard a mirth comin' from th' 'Armistead'. "Oh, Crash, stop pretendin' yer tough. We all know yer jus' showin'-off!" Annabelle could hardly keep a straight face. Damn! She ruined my careful plan. With a sore throat I realised Annabelle took away the initiative away from me.
"What are we gonna do wit' 'im, sisters?" asked cap'n Kat.
"I say we sink 'im." said cap'n Maggie an' menacingly slashed th' empty air wit' 'er cutlass.
"Don't make too rush decissions, sisters" Anabelle tried to reason. "We could still find a use fer cap'n Crash. There be four o' them Dutch 'gainst us three."
"Such odds I could take anytime." Maggie wasn't convinced.
"Yeah, but can we afford to risk? There's plenty o' loot in Curacao. 'Twill be enough fer everyone." said Annabelle.
"Well, I guess we have nothin' to lose, Annabelle. Crash, yer with us." said Kathryn after a while.
I looked at Annabelle an' wordlessly thanked 'er. Th' ol' sayin' goes 'a friend in need is friend indeed' or sumthin' like that.
"Great. I'll take jewels an' cannons, ye'll take all th' gold, goods and th' rest of th' weapons" I said anxiously.
"Don't skin a livin' bear, fool" said cap'n Maggie an' pointed to th' Dutch frigates. They were dangerously close.
"Yer right, to arms boys! We'll show 'em how battles in New World look like! We'll give 'em 'ell!" I shouted.
"HOORRAY!" I heard a hundred bad-smellin' mouths shout in reply.
We raised battle sails an' tun'd towards th' Dutch fleet. Th' Sisters were right beside me. I decided 'twould be best if I concentrated first at th' two damaged frigs, sinkin' them. That way we'd have really significant numerous advantage an' possibility to strike Dutch from different directions at once. I moved 'Factol Skall' towards th' rightmost 'Rijswijk Pride' and turned my side towards th' slow movin' frig. Th' Sisters were already exchangin' broadsides wit' th' Dutch. I managed to shoot first, clearin' th' enemy deck from th' soldiers. I begun to turn my other side towards 'em, but they were faster, they turned their intact port side in my direction an' fired their cannons. Fortunately 'Factol Skall' was havin' its bow towards th' enemy, makin' it much smaller target than it would be if'n we didn't turn. Even though most of th' cannons missed us, more than a few of my marines an' sailors fell on th' deck, killed by enemy grape shots. 'B'fore they could reload, we finished turnin' and delivered 'nother fearsome broadside. 'Rijswijk Pride' shook violently, as my cannonballs were piercin' 'er hull an' masts.
"Get ready to board 'er!" I shouted over th' deafenin' noise of th' bloody battle ragin' on. 'Factol Skall' sailed swiftly towards th' seriously damaged enemy frigate. i 'ad a lil' time to look 'round.
It seemed th' battle was goin' rather well. Dutch cap'ns, inexperienced with battlin' pirates, were payin' too much attention to keep their formation, meanwhile th' pirate frigs were fightin' separately, effectively firin' at th' enemy frigs. Dutch seemed to be unable to deliver ful broadsides due to their formation. Ne'ertheless, 'Batavier's' eighty guns were targetted mainly on cap'n Maggie's ship an' were causin' a real 'ell on th' decks of a pirate vessel. Wild Kat an' Annabelle were effectively bombardin' huge 'Batavier' an' smaller 'Van der Reuter'.
Jus' as we closed to 'Rijswijk Pride' my sturdy marines shot their muskets and threw th' grapplin' hooks. My men began to pour onto th' enemy vessel, killin' all they could stumble upon. I grabbed my ol' sabre m'self an' jumped after my marines. Dutch soldiers defended 'Rijswijk Pride' fer 'bout a minute, but we were too numerous to be fought off. After killin' all resistance, we returned to 'Factol Skall'. I grabbed a piece of torn sail layin' nearby an' put it 'round my wounded arm. I quickly glanced at my remainin' marines. We lost 'bout 20 good fighters in th' boardin' action, but we still had over 80 prepared fer everythin' killers on board.
I commanded Jones Carraway, th' helmsman, to sail toward th' enemy ships, as th' centre of th' battle moved away from us while we were busy finishin' off 'Rijswjk Pride'.
A violent explosion rolled through th' air, knockin' me over to my knees. I quickly stood up to see what happened. Cap'n Maggie's accurate shots made it to th' forecastle of 'Van der Reuter' an' must'va hit gunpowder magazine. Judgin' from th' size of th' explosion, they must'va had nice few tons o' powder down there. Countless tiny sparks drifted with' th' wind right toward us. I hel my breath when they hit th' sails of 'Factol Skall'. They flashed, but didn't ignite th' sails. I resumed breathin'. 'Twas good I didn't forget to wet th' sails prior to sailin' off th' port.
When th' smoke dissipated I saw th' remains of 'Van der Reuter' slowly disapperin' beneath th' waves. Maggie's shot blew off entire bow! I swear i've ne'er seen anythin' like that b'fore!
"Load th' double shot, boys!" I cried to my gunners below deck when I saw 'Keteldijk' shootin' madly th' Sis'hood fleet. Th' overzealous Dutch cap'n forgot that he turned his badly damaged starboard towards me. I wasn't goin' to miss this opportunity. Before we could get in range, however, I saw 'Keteldijk' hittin' Annabelle's 'Armistead' wit' a blazin' 'ell of full broadside of doubleshot. I screamed in rage as I saw how serious damage they caused to 'Armistead'. Oh, man, he wus gonna pay fer hittin' me friend! Even though we were already in gunshot, we sailed a bit closer and turned. A terrifyin' salvo of m' own doubleshot targetted at already damaged starboard of 'Keteldijk' shook th' entire ship so hard, that th' lookout fell off th' cow's nest. Annabelle an' me kept slammin' 'Keteldijk' until ther was nothin' but a scraps of floatin' wood on th' surface of water. We took some minor hits, but 'Factol Skall' was still in pretty good shape.
So there was only 'Batavier' left to kill. Th' sad thing wus, fierce cap'n Maggie had to retreat from th' man battle. 'Batavier's' powerful guns took a heavy toll on th' sails an' th' crew of Maggie's ship, an' if van Rickmers managed to board 'er, she would be deader fer sure. 'Twas better not to risk, 'specially after she blew 'Van der Reuter' to 'ell.
Me an' fearless Annabelle turned towards 'Batavier' to help cap'n Wild Kat, who wus under a hellish fire o' 'Batavier' with its eighty cannons. Jus' as I turned towards 'Batavier' I realised how terrible mistake I 'ave made. All guns on th' starboard of 'Batavier' were loaded an' pointed directly at 'Factol Skall'. B'fore I wus able to cry fer my boys to hide below deck, th' cannons exploded, sendin' deadly load of grapeshots on us. Luckily I got only scratched lightly at my left cheek an' leg, but I saw about 40 of my mateys fallin' dead jus' where they stood. Ignorin' th' stingin' pain, I lifted m' head from th' wooden boards. I saw m' ol' friend, Jones Carraway, th' helmsman, clutchin' his throat with both hands. His eyes were open wide. Blood was flowin' from th' open wound on 'is neck. He died b'fore he even hit th' deck. I knew this man since my first voyage at sea, I realised. I felt a strange moisture in my eyes. Aye... 'twas strange.
'Tis not th' end yet, ye scurvy bastids. I 'ad to pause to catch my breath. Y'know, somethin' fell in m' eye. I'll cum back later, that's sure as th' flies over La Foot.

Story 13

Crash enters th' tavern mumblin' somethin' incomprehensible to 'imslef. He walks slowly towards th' bar an' orders a round of ale fer everyone.
"...ry fer anybuddy. Ne'er feel sorry fer anybuddy. Ne'er feel..." he keeps mumblin'
"I'm back ye rotten scums! Don't think I'm sorry fer this Carraway fella. He wus ol', he'd die soon anyways! Now I can continue. But wait a minute, what are those ladies' panties doin' on th' ceilin' beams? Ye scurvy bastids, what were ye doin' 'ere while I wus gone? Couldn't ye wait fer me, ye ungrateful buncha rogues?"
Crash shakes his head an' makes an unhappy face. Then he takes a lon' swig o' ale and wipes 'is mouth with a hand
"Ne'ermind. I 'ave th' rest of th' story fer ye. As I said yest'day, 'Factol Skall' received a deadly blow from van Rickmers' flagship. My head hurt like 'ell, but I stood up. Me tells ye, th' dead an' dyin' were scattered all o'er th' ship. Th' deck wus slippery wit' blood. Before 'Batavier' reloaded 'is cannons I quickly moved my frigate behind 'Batavier's' stern, all th' time poundin' 'im wit' cannons. Wild Kat an' Annabelle were slammin' th' huge frigate from th' other side. We maneouvered in such a way, that no matter what direction 'Batavier' turned, we were still behind its stern an' in front of its bow. So Admiral van Rickmers couldn't hit neither of us, while we were sendin' 'im iron death wit' every turn.
Van Rickmers realised 'is grim situation after a while an' changed 'is tactic. Instead of tryin' to rip us apart wit' 'is tremendous firepower, he added few sails an' rushed towards Kathryn's frig. I turned windwards to run after van Rickmers who got out of my range wit' his sudden maneouver.
I could clearly see he was plannin' to board Kathryn, despite strong blows from Annabelle. I cursed ugly when I saw grapplin' hooks hit Kat's deck an' th' men jumpin' onto th' pirate ship. After a while I smiled, though, when I saw th' Dutch redcoats bein' swept back to their own ship. After all Cap'n Kat managed to repel th' deadly Moosemen from her ship a while back, didn't she? How could I think she would lose to mere hundred an' half of Dutch marines? Some of th' enemy soldiers were cut off from 'Batavier' an' swept to th' sea. Th' waters were already full of bodies an' ship parts. Frenzied by th' smell of th' blood sharks finished 'em off in few seconds.
Havin' repelled th' marines, Kat ordered a counterattack an' her own men boarded heavily damaged 'Batavier' in return. Th' panicked Dutch were sliced to pieces as they were tryin' to cut th' ropes linkin' th' two ships together. Th' Dutch were completely caught off-guard by th' fierceness of Kat's attack. Her pirates were hackin' through th' enemy deck like farmers through th' fields, takin' rich harvests wit' every sweep of arm. Annabelle was still shootin' 'Batavier', succesfully keepin' th' more numerous Dutch crew from gettin' th' adventage. I sailed towards th' portside of enemy frig an' ordered my remainin' marines to storm th' 'Batavier'. Now we 'ad th' redcoats attacked from both sides. I wus busy m'self, tryin' to hack my way to th' Admiral van Rickmers. I wunted to git to 'im an' nick 'im really hard. I hate those noble pigs. 'E was standin' on th' stern, surrounded by 'is most trusted guardsmen. Wit' amusement I noticed 'e wus wearin' brown pants! Jus' as I suspected, van Rickmers wus a coward. Not worth th' admiral title. I spat on th' bloody deck an' resumed slashin' enemy sailors.
Beside me, Chief was fightin' off few Dutch redcoats. Th' hulkin' Indian literally cut 'em to pieces with few wide sweeps of 'is cutlass. Th' soldiers were defenseless 'gainst 'is powerful strikes. Almost each 'un o' his strikes was sendin' 'nother man down. Yep, I think Chief's th' strongest seadog I've e'er seen. We were lucky we had Chief on our side. Not only deadly swordsman, but also fanatically loyal to me. I wouldn't hesitate to trust m' own life to Chief.
"Oi, you there, in th' corner!" shouts cap'n Crash an' throws an empty mug throughout th' tavern "Shut yer soddin' scar while I'm talkin'! If'n ye ain't wanna hear no story, get out."
Crash looks wit' embarassment at th' gathered pirates. "Sorry, mateys, fer this outburst. Talkin' 'bout th' battle unleashed my temper a lil' bit. Don't mind me."
So, I was cuttin' my way to th' Admiral. An' believe me, I was few yards away from th' bloody villain. I wus already cheerin at th' thought of skinnin' 'im alive, when I saw blood on 'is white shirt 'bout a foot above th' strange lookin' dark stain on 'is pants. He stared at his chest fer a moment an' slowly collapsed to th' floor. Wild Kat stood above th' body an' calmly swept th' blood from her beautiful, jeweled dagger.
Damn! I was pissed, me tells ye! Out of sheer respect fer 'er I didn't attack her in rage. Van Rickmers was mine! Ne'ertheless I turned only to see th' Dutchmen surrendered when they saw their leader bein' cut down. We took away all their weapons an' threw 'em o'erboard. We had no time to deal wit' prisoners, but at least th' sharks would deal with 'em with glee.
Me, Annabelle an' Kat let our weary cutthroats to rest a lil' bit, while we estimated th' losses. It seemed Kathryn received heavy damage to th' sails, which hanged loose, torn an' pierced in many places. Her marines were also quite diminished by th' heavy fightin'. Annabelle's 'Armistead' took a tremendous blow to th' hull, but at least her crew was almost intact. M' own 'Factol Skall' looked as if she was in th' best shape of all three frigates. Unfortunately I've lost almost half of my crew. Only 'bout two dozen marines were still on their feet an' 'bout 30 sailors still held their positions on th' yards. Th' gunners took th' least losses.
Wait a sec, three frigates? I asked m'self. Where's cap'n Maggie?
I glanced towards th' city. I could see smoke from fires an' th' flashes of 'xplosions. Maggie wus attackin' th' city! She wus too badly damaged to take on 'Batavier', but instead of runnin' fer her life, this darin' cap'n attacked th' city itslef. I knew Curacao was poorly defended, so Maggie's forces were enough to throw th' Dutch to their knees. Still, 'twas a risk to let 'er fight on 'erself, so I sailed closer to th' Sisterhood frigates standin' nearby.
"Maggie's takin' th' city! Shouldn't we help her? Why are ye waitin' 'ere?" I shouted o'er th' cries of wounded men.
"Shut up, Crash" replied Kat "Maggie knows 'er job like th' back of her own hand."
"But why ye anchored yer ship 'ere? There's gold to be looted in Curacao?" I wus a bit confused.
"Our leader, Cap'n ButterCup should be arrivin' 'ere in a short time. We're supposed to wait fer her." said Annabelle.
Oh man, I wus pretty annoyed. Why did'na they tell me? There's pretty soddin' big difference 'tween 'un-fourth an' 'un-fifth o' th' loot, ain't it?
"She didn't fight! She won't get no gold! Ther's no use waitin' fer 'er!" I shouted in anger an' hacked th' wooden reling wit' my sabre.
Annabelle laughed loudly "Crash, our leader ButterCup was left behind to deal with th' two Spanish frigates that were chasin' us all th' way from Caracas."
"You let her fight two frigates alone?" my pipe fell out of my surprised mouth.
"Sure. She's th' leader of th' Sisterhood. Two frigs are not a challange fer her really." I couldn't tell if Annabelle was makin' laugh of me or speakin' truth.
Then my lookout in th' crow's nest cried he saw sails behind th' promontory. 'Tmust be ButterCup, I thought to m'self. So we waited in anticipation fer ButterCup, but when th' frigate finally sailed past th' promontory we saw 'twas not ButterCup, but a Spanish frig. Just behind her followed a small brig. Their cannon ports were open.
Judgin' from th' confusion on th' decks of th' Sisterhood sips, they were quite surprised too.
Th' brig raised full sails an' sailed towards us three.
"They're goin' to blow us to 'ell!" I shouted when I realised what was their plan. The brig must'va been loaded wit' gunpowder. If'n it got close enough, 'tcould send us all to th' Davey Jones Locker fer sure. I turned an' begun to throw orders at my weary crew.
"I'll slow 'er down an' ye two sink 'er b'fer she gets too close." I shouted
"Since when yer' givin' us orders, Crash?" Wild Kat an' Annabelle seemed angry, but had no other option really.
I turned 'Factol Skall' an' sent a full broadside of chain shot on th' enemy brig, tearin' large holes in its sails. I begun to turn m' other side towards 'em, b'fore my gunners finished reloadin' th' cannons. Annabelle struck th' Spaniards in th' hull precisely, but Kat's sails an' ropes were in really bad condition an' her frigate wusn't respondin' very well. She drifted slowly with 'er stern towards Spanish brig. Although we slowed th' brig a lil' bit, she wus still sailin' towards us, gettin' dangerously near.
I managed to turn jus' in time to give my guner th' command to fire their guns in order from stern to bow in a lon' salvo. Th' Spaniards were battered with' th' iron chains, succesfully stoppin' 'em in place. After a moment of silence their mast broke in half its length with a loud crack an' fell to th' water.
My boys shouted with glee seein' this. Annabelle's accurate broadside easily reached th' immobilised brig, killin' everythin' in its path. Th' enemy ship exploded violently, once again knockin' me over. I think th' flames leapt as high as some three hundred feet in th' blue sky, that's sure. I thought at moment that th' explosion will reach us despite our efforts, but th' Lady Luck was with us this day, an' we were spared. Unfortunately, 'Batavier' driftin' nearby was set ablaze an' completey burned down in few minutes. Too bad, she would make a fine prize.
There wus no time fer whinin', though. We still 'ad a frigate to kill. What happened to ButterCup, I wondered. Could that be, she fell before two Spanish frigs? Sounded unlikely, but' ye can ne'er be sure.
I sailed to th' right side , while cap'n Annabelle turned to th' left. Shootin' from both sides, we could easily gain adventage o'er a single opponent. I made a fatal mistake, though. By accident we sailed into a thick cloud of smoke from burnin' 'Batavier'. I couldn't see a bloody thing an' quickly started chokin'. I needed air, but unfortunately there was none. Over the noises of my coughin' crew I could hear cannons an' moans of wounded people. With Kathryn unable to turn an' me caught in a chokin' smoke, Annabelle was all alone, an' her 'Armistead' was seriously damaged in previous battle! An' I couldn't do a soddin' thing 'bout it! In fact my consciouseness was beginning to slip away. Th' smoke blurred, if 'twas possible at all an' everythin' seemed to slow down. Th' only thing I could hear wus m' own heartbeat.
I thought it lasted eternity, but finally a gust o' wind blew th' smoke away. We all gasped fer breath, still unable to do anythin' fer a while. I stood up unsteadily an' shout'd to my boys wit' m' legs shakin' in effort.
"Getup, ye lazy sons of a cow! What're ye waitin' fer! Man th' cannons!"
They obeyed, out of fear of me. I looked at th' battlefield. Annabelle wus canny enuff not to exchange broadsides with th' Spanish, but instead managed to board th' enemy. Th' Spanish fought valiantly, but th' ferocious attacks o' th' pirates were sumthin' no regular soldier could stand. After few minutes of deadly inferno on board of th' Spanish frig, they 'ad struck their colours.
A shout of triumph reached my still somewhat numb crew. Finally th' battle wus over. I collapsed on my butt right where I stood an' realised how soddin' tired I wus. Hurt an' tired. Even today I still marvel how did I made it all through. 'Twas one 'ell of a day, me tells ye.
That's not all mateys. We still 'ad Curacao to plunder, but I'll leave it till th' next time. Ufff, didn't think 'twill be THAT long, this story o' mine. So let's say, I'll spend some hard-earned pesos on rum this evenin' an' I'll let cap'n eXXcaliber tell one more pirate story of 'is notorious KNIGHTS of El dIAblO. I should be back t'morrow. 'Fcourse if'n I dont meet sum nice 'ore on m' way 'ere, harr, harrrr, harrr!


You open the door to Ye House of Pyrates tavern. The inside is dark, as usual. I mean it's really outright dark, not just romantically dim, as in common pubs. It's a place where the worst scums in the entire Caribbeans come for a drink or two, so darkness quite good mirrors their corrupted souls. Even though you were here before many times, you still feel a bit insecure. Cutthroats practicing their dark craft are definitely somewhat dangerous lot.
Still, you enter the dark room, only to see Captain Crash sitting on the table and holding a single candle in his hand. All around him in darkness are gathered other pirates. Some of them you consider allies, some mortal enemies, however all differences are put aside when entering Ye House of Pyrates. Captain Crash looks up and meet your gaze. He removed his beautifully carved smoking pipe from his mouth and said:

"I see ye came at last. Well, ye took yer time, ye greast maggot! Whadd'ye think ye stinky bastid? We're all waitin' fer ye! So don't ye say a friggin' word, jus' put yer hemorrhoid stricken butt on th' chair an' let's finally begin."
Ahem, So I's finished yest'day at th' moment when cap'n Annabelle captured th' last frigate. We were really tired, all of us. I could just sit on th' bridge and rest. After a while I stood up though, and begun to give orders to my exhausted crew. We slowly sailed towards th' city of Curacao. Even though th' Sisters were assurin' me that Maggie didn't need any help, th' risk wus jus' too great. After such a deadly battle I wanted to make sure we get what we were fightin' fer. Kat an' Annabelle seemed to share m' feelin's, as they too followed me on my way to th' beach.
As we got closer to th' town, I noticed that indeed Maggie wasn't wastin' time here. Th' only real fortifications of th' town were already reduced to a smokin' pile o' rubble. Th' columns of smoke were risin' towards th' sky here an' there throughout th' city. We passed th' anchored Maggie's frig an' stopped. We landed on th' beach, admirin' a beautiful sight of a huge pile o' coins an' jewellery gathered at th' beach. We made our way to th' city. Dead bodies littered th' narrow path. With satisfaction I saw most o' 'em be civilians an' soldiers. After all after th' Dutch fleet's been destroyed, capturin' th' town itself wus as easy as slaughterin' children, an' equally as entertainin'. 'Twas a strange city. Th' first buildin' we stumbled upon was a treasury. Quite unusual, if'n ye asked me. Th' door to th' treasury was open wide. After a moment a redhaired pirate lass with an eyepatch went out of th' buildin' carryin' a heavy sack on 'er back. I recognised 'un o' Maggie's officers.
"Whad'dye starin' at, dumbass" she spat on th' ground. Ther's so much gold in there that we can't lift it ourselves. Get yer pox ridden carcasses inside an' start lootin'! It's still just th' first buildin' we searched."
My pipe fell out o' m' mouth once again. If'n that pile o' gold on th' beach wus jus' a part of th' treasure found in jus' 'un o' th' buildings, then we really needed few more hands to carry th' gold.
"Where are all th' citizens?" I ask'd one of' th' Maggie's pirate girls, who was throwin' full handfuls of coins to her loot sack.
"Locked up in th' church, so thy' wouldn't get in our way"
I ordered my boys to join th' sisters in pillagin' an' went to th' city square to have a better look of th' city. By this time both Annabelle's an' Kat's cutthroats were already searchin' up th' nearby houses. I knew Curacao wus a wealthy town, but I'd ne'er 'ave guessed 'twas THAT rich. I took a lon' swig o' rum an' lit my ol' pipe, sittin' on a pedestal of a musket-shot statue. I noticed four wimmin approachin'. Maggie, Annabelley an' Wild Kat I already knew, but th' fourth 'un wus unfamiliar. When they got closer she looked up at me an' frowned with disgust.
"Who th' bloody 'ell be ye?" she begun.
"It's cap'n Crash" said Anabelle b'fer I opened m' mouth.
"What does this sorry lookin' wench want?" I asked lookin' at th' Sisters I knew.
"Speak wit' respect to Cap'n ButterCup, or I'll cut off yer pimple-bristled tongue!" said Maggie.
"So ye be ButterCup. I thought yer dead." I said an' resumed emptyin' m' bottle.
"Wher'd'ye take this bleedin' whoreson from?" asked ButterCup.
"Seems he wus already 'ere when we arrived. He says he was raidin' Curacao, but I don't trust 'im. I say we cut 'is throat." said Maggie emotionlessly.
I only loosened m' jacket revealin' th' handle of m' blade. 'Twas enough of reply.
"Yer not gettin' our hard-earned gold, ButterCup. It's ours an' ours only. We fought fer it." I said after a while.
"Shut up, ye drunkard or I'll rip yer liver off! Ye say I wusn't fightin'?" ButterCup was really angry now "An'what 'bout th'Spanish frigs I fought off? Ye think I wus partyin' out there?"
"I didn't see no soddin' Spaniard frigs you fought off. 'Cept fer one we destroyed." I replied stubbornly.
"WE destroyed?" Annabelle laughed with contempt. "Didn't see yew 'round while I was boardin' 'er."
"You mean a Spanish frig made it here?" ButterCup seemed confused.
"Damn right" I nodded with satisfaction.
"So there must've been three Spaniards after us! I sunk one an' chased off th' other heavily damagin' it. Th' one yew fought must'va been third 'un. Y'know, 'twas far worse than we suspected." cap'n ButterCup ignored my bitter remark.
"We aren't goin' to fight o'er some gold, huh?" asked Kathryn lookin' at me threateningly.
"Oh yes we are" I crossed my arms on th' chest defiantly.
Th' four Sisterhood pirates looked at themselves wordlessly an' moved closer.
"I... I've changed m' mind. Y'know, there's enuff loot fer e'erybuddy." I said quickly, seein' though their intentions.
"Good. Each 'un gets fifth part of th' plunder." said Annabelle "Shall we erect a new gov'nor?"
"Naaaay" answered Kat "What fer? Will jus' wait til they recover from our raid an' come 'ere again. We don't need no gov'nor"
"Guess yer right." I put down empty bottle. "Let's see what treasures we found."
After few hours there wasn't a single peso left in th' town. We had roghly half a million pesos in gold, jewels an' luxury cargoes. 'Twas a time to celebrate. We gathered remains of few destroyed buildin's an' made a huge bonfire of it. My boys rolled in few dozen barrels of rum from a tavern by th' docks an' we made a party.
Aye, me tells ye, mateys, 'twas 'un unforgettable night. Y'should'va seen th' Sis'hood pirates dancin' by th' fire. All those missin' appendages an' eyepatches. I didn't know they look so sexy on wimmin folk, y'know. An' b'lieve me th' more rum I drank th' more pretty th' wenches became! An' I think I swallowed a full barrel o' th' stuff. I got completely drunk. Th' only thin' I remeber wus that I heard constantly "Some'un's watchin'. Keep yer 'ands on th' table, honey!" sentence every once in a while. Yep, 'twas fun, or at least must'va been if'n I remembered more.
Now a sad part o' th' whole story. I woke in th' mornin'. My head felt as if I took a direct hit from a doubleshot cannon. Th' first thin' I did wus to throw up. After I stood up I saw all of my boys in pretty th' same condition. What's more, there were neither Sis'hood ships at th' docks, nor any treasure on th' beach. Th' only thin' these thievin' bitches left me was a chest with some 4000 pesos an' a note. I called fer 'un o' my officers who could read an' told 'im to decipher th' note.

"Deer Captan Krash!
Since yew ar slipping so solit dreem, wee dont wand too deesturp yew. Wee live fer Tortooga rite away. Hear is 4000 Spanish peso fer yew, so yew cudd repair yewr fine sheep. Wee wil take kare off tha resst off the lute fer yew.
Fare wints!!
Sisterhude off Pirates"

Jus' like th' Sis'hood! What made me trust these thieves? I jus' looked at th' silk bra I was holdin' in m' hand all this time since I woke up. I tried to remeber whose was it, but to no avail. I only asked m'self 'was it really worth it?'
I jus' hope 'twas.

So that's th' end o' th' story. I really knocked m'self out on this 'un, so don't mind if'n I introduce m'self to that bottle o' whiskey o'er there. An' if'n any of ye scurvy seadogs stumble upon any o' them Sis'hood wenches, tell 'em... well...hmmm... Nay, don't tell 'em nothin'. I don't mind 'em really.

Story 14

Me brought a new story fer ye. 'Appens few months back I met one o' our Brethren lot on th' open sea!
'Twas north of Puerto Santo, I wus sailin' fer this godforsaken hole, Nassau. We were navigatin' through th' goddamned reef-infested waters o' Bahamas, keepin' a peery eye fer th' jagged edges o' th' reefs. 'Twas difficult, as th' weather was quite stormy, an' th' rocks'd sink us faster than any cannonballs, that's sure as mosquitos are bloodthirsty.
One night, after a particularly strong gale, we almost ended up crashin' on rocky islands! Really, we were few yards till certain death!
Anyways, somehow we survived th' night. In th' next day we replaced few damaged sails an' resumed th' voyage. That's when I heard a cry from th' crow's nest:
"Small isle on th' 11th!"
I raised my ol', rusty spyglass an' stared at th' isle. At first nothin' suspicious - 'Twas really small wit' a single tree in th' middle. Somethin' was wrong, though, but I couldn't figure out what it wus. I scratched my chin, observin' th' island. Jus' after few good minutes I slapped my forehead. 'Twas this tree, y'know. Trees generally don't have sails, do they?
"Th' isle is turnin' on us! I think they've recognised us!" cried th' surprised lookout.
I wus so astonished that I could only stand an' wait what happens.
"Sir, th' isle raised a flag! It says ... uhhhmmm... it says....'C...og...gy.... da.... Ba...s...ti...d'!" said th' lookout.
What th' bloody 'ell are ye babblin' 'bout. Ye drunk or what?" I asked furoiusly, but th' spyglass told me he wus speakin' truth! I was a bit pissed that th' lookout could read better than me.
After a while, when Coggy got closer I saw that was not an isle, but a ship with a tree instead of mast. 'Twas th' 'Grim Reaper' itself!
"Ahoy, cap'n Crash!" I heard Coggy's voice before I saw 'is one eyed face on th' bow o' his flagship.
"Ahoy, cap'n Cognito!" I replied automatically, still somewhat dumbstruck from th' strange situation. "What's this bloody tree doin' there?"
"Harr! Har! Not a bloody tree, but a real palm tree! 'Appens we've run into a hellish storm last evenin' an' me lost a bloody mast! So in th' mornin' we chopped a palm an' put it in th' place of th' mast! Works very well, an' me has a fresh supply o' coconuts anytime me wants! We'll get ourselves a new mast in Tortuga. Meanwhile I'm enjoyin' th' coconuts!"
I shook m' head in disbelief "What is it with ye an' coconuts, mate?"
"Ha! There are three reasons to luv 'em - they're good, they're sweet and they're good!" replied Coggy with a wide grin.
Well, I couldn't argue 'gainst such arguments. We jus' rolled out few barrel of rum and before th' evenin' came, they were empty. We sailed on our way. 'Twas quite nice to met an ol' pal in a middle o' nowhere, tho.

Story 15

Me came to tell ye a new tale. Well, an ol' one, actually, as it happened some 10 years ago or such, so I reckons 'tis quite an ol' story.
Me wus jus' 17 or so, but I wusn't a newbie by no means. I've been sailin' on th' Brethren ships since I was jus' a kid. I disembarked from m' last vessel in Tortuga as th' cap'n divided th' plunder an' spent all m' 'umble portion on th' local 'ores within two weeks an' wus left without a single peso again.
I started to look fer a quick job, but I wus too ol' t' be a deck boy anymore. So I stole a cutlass from a drunk buccaneer at a tavern an' went on posin' as a veteran marine. I received very 'xtensive an' thorough trainin' wit' th' blade durin' my previous voyages an' I wus generally not afraid o' any fight. Despite m' eagerness it 'appened there wus no cap'n willin' to take me on board, so I was in real dire straits. I wus too young an' unexperienced. No 'un wus willin' to give me a chance. I 'ad to turn to stealin' food 'gain, as I didn't 'ave a broken peso by me.
Everythin' changed when cap'n Dave E. Jones sailed to Tortuga. I immediately saw a great chance b'fer me. To sail wit' such a notorious bastid would mean a successful voyage an' mountains o' gold fer sure. Davey wus already 'un o' th' most famous pirates on th' Caribbean, I reckons 'e already had 'bout 500 posts back then. 'Twas a grand accomplishment, even though nowadays they say ye 'ave to get 1000 posts to be a vet an' recently they begun to compete fer a first pirate to have 3000 posts! Ne'ertheless I followed 'im to th' 'Silver Sloop' tavern an' waited fer a moment when 'e would be alone.
After few 'ours of waitin' Davey wus left alone by 'is mates. 'Twas when I moved in. I sat beside th' ol' pirate an' asked if'n he needed more marines. I clearly r'member 'im raisin' slowly 'is 'ead from th' table an' sayin'
"Uuurrrmmmmmm. Bbbwwwwaaaaaaaagg ummmmmmm, gwaaaaaaab? sssssssssmmmmmmmmm. Urrrggggggghhhhhhhh!"
To my big surprise I realised 'e wus completely drunk. Wit' anger I regarded all those empty bottles scattered 'round th' table an' wondered how 'tis possible fer a single man to swallow such enormous amounts o' rum. 'Twas unbelievable! Now I know ol' Dave E. better, an' now I can say 'e wus almost sober then, compared to 'is later 'xploits. But back then I really thought 'e drank such outrageous amounts o' alcohol than any sane man or woman would e'er try. Harrr, harrr, harrr, how lil' I knew 'bout Dave E. Jones!
Anyways I was somewhat pissed that I missed th' only chance to sail under th' famous swashbuckler. But I wusn't goin' to give up. In th' mornin' I went to th' docks an' walked aboard 'is ship. Th' sailors stopped me, but I told 'em defiantly, that cap'n Jones 'imself told me to come 'ere as a new crewmember. They only laughed an' told me to scram b'fer they threw me o'erboard.
Somewhat embarrassed I looked 'round th' deck in despair. Only by luck I noticed a single barrel full o' rainwater an' a man plunged in it in such a way that only 'is legs protruded from th' large barrel. Th' legs were kickin' madly th' air. Wit' a sudden realisation I recognised the boots on th' legs. They belonged to Dave E. Jones 'imself!
I quickly dodged th' guardsmen I ran towards th' barrel. Accidentally I tripped on a piece o' rope layin' on th' deck an' lose m' balance.
Wit' a tremendous noise I struck th' barrel wit' m' 'ead, breakin' it to pieces. Th' water flushed from th' broken barrel, floodin' entire deck. Inside th' broken scraps o' wood lay completely soaked cap'n Davey. 'Is face wus all green as he grasped greedily fer air. I was layin beside 'im, still somewhat dizzy after hittin' th' barrel. Y'know 'tis barrel was a really large 'un. Such a blow wus sumthin' even m' sturdy 'ead couldn't take on jus' like that. I shook m' 'ead few times. When th' stars disappeared I saw th' deck was full o' scurvy sea dogs swarmin' 'round me an' Dave E. Jones.
"Why, ye saved m' precious ass, ye did!" said Dave E. when 'e finally caught 'is breath. "I was jus tryin' to pour m' achin' 'ead in th' friggin' water, when I slipped an' fell in."
All around I heard excited whispers
"Look, this boy saved th' cap'n!"
"Who is he? Saved th' cap'n!"
"I know 'im, he says cap'n recruited 'im yest'day!"
"This bastid must be insane to break a barrel wit' 'is 'ead!"
"Yeah! Completely insane!"
"'Tis good to 'ave such a madman on board. I'd bet 100 pesos 'e could pierce a hull if'n 'e struck it as hard as 'e did this poor barrel!"
"Yeah, "e must be 'ell of a fighter! No wonder cap'n took 'im in!"
Dave E. Jones stood up unsteadily, took a bottle o' rum from a nearby gunner and drank it in 'un great sip. Oh man, y'should'va seen it! 'Tis true, Dave E. Jones drinks like a hero!
"So ye be this new man? What wus yer name agin?" 'e asked me. So my plan did work after all.
"Name's Crash" I said proudly.
Another wave o' whispers from th' gathered crew.
"Y'heard th' man. 'Is name's Crash. No wonder 'e broke th' barrel if'n he 'as such a name."
"I think 'is name means he did it b'fer. I mean bashin' things wit' his 'ead."
"Yeah, I'd bet 'e does it always when 'e's upset."
"We better watch out fer this Crash fella. He be dangerous!"
"Yea, dangerous an' insane!"
"'Tis good to 'ave 'im sailin' with us!"
So in spite th' initial difficulties, not only I managed to get under Dave E. Jones's command, but also I wus treated with a respect equal to th' one paid to th' most scurvy cutthroats an' child-slaughterers we 'ad on board, despite m' young age. 'Twas a soddin' good luck I 'ad, that's sure as th' blood is sticky. Not always ye get treated like an ol' cutthroat on yer first voyage as a marine, huh?

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